The Way I Loved You
by DancingRaindrops
Summary: As hard as you may try, there's only ever one person who's truly right for you. Inspired by the song of the same name by Taylor Swift. AU. For Jocelyn.


A/N: For **Heidi Erickson**. I can't even begin to express how wonderful you are, Wills. Truly. I based this on one of your favorite songs (or so you told me :P), and I can only hope that you enjoy it. Happy early birthday, since I won't be in SWAC FF by the time it rolls around, and thank you for absolutely everything.

**The Way I Loved You**

_"I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain. It's 2AM and I'm cursing your name. I'm so in love that I acted insane, and that's the way I loved you._

The doorbell rings at precisely six o'clock, as punctual as always.

You smooth down your orchid dress, toss your hair once more for good measure, and open the door.

He smiles the moment you meet his eyes, a warm smile that makes you feel safe.

"Hello, darling. Happy anniversary."

A light kiss to your lips, that's all. Very sweet, very chaste, very proper.

He hands you the bouquet of blushing pink roses, the thorns trimmed off and each flower just about to bloom.

"Thank you." You smile back at him, pressing your hand to his for a moment before placing the roses inside the house.

When you return, he holds his arm out like a gentleman, looking so different from the other boy who once did the same. You take his arm automatically.

It's so easy, being with him. As natural as breathing.

"Are you alright, darling? You seem rather quiet." His voice is kind and concerned for your welfare, something you still aren't quite used to.

You look into his handsome face and smile, leaning your head on his shoulder for a moment. "I'm fine, thank you. Just reminiscing over the past year."

His hazel eyes soften, and the same contented smile spreads across his face. "It's been the best year of my life."

"And why is that?" you tease, knowing perfectly well what his answer will be.

"Why, because of you, darling."

You let a faint blush tinge your cheeks, as you ought to, and accept the compliment with a shy grin.

He walks with you to the passenger side of the car, opening the door for you before seating himself.

You fumble with the seatbelt for a few moments, your flowing dress getting in the way. When you look up, he's looking at you with a twinkle in his eyes.

"Yes?" You feel color rising to your cheeks once more under his gaze.

"You look absolutely beautiful tonight." He breathes the words out as if he's completely swept away by your appearance.

You touch your hair self-consciously, making certain that everything is more or less in place before you reply gratefully, "Thank you."

And your anniversary has begun perfectly.

_You know the day won't be a good one when you wake up to a thunderstorm._

_But it's your anniversary, the day that you celebrate the tumultuous year that it's been. So you drag yourself out of bed and try to choose something pretty to wear._

_It's exactly six forty-three and he hasn't shown up yet._

_He was supposed to pick you up at six._

_The rain is still pouring, flashes of lightning streaking through the windows._

_When the doorbell finally rings, you don't even hear it._

_Instead, he knocks on the door for at least five minutes before you register the sound and answer the door._

_He's drenched, a fact that you can't help but notice triumphantly. The look on his face is annoyed at best, though he still has a single red rose in his hand._

_"Finally," he remarks under his breath, leaning in and brushing his lips against your cheek for a moment._

_Irritated as you are, you can't help but feel a tingling sensation where his skin touches yours, a jolt of energy that wakes you up._

_"You're late," you tell him as he hands you the crimson rose, holding it gingerly due to the thorns. You toss it inside the house carelessly. What's the use of saving only one rose in a vase?_

_"Well, technically, so were you," he retorts, gesturing to his soaked suit, rather than apologizing._

_"It was _your _fault," you fire back angrily, feeling your temper flare. "If you had just been here on time, like any decent person would have been for their anniversary - "_

_"So now I'm not a decent person?" He rolls his eyes before taking your arm. "Come on." He pulls you to the car, paying no regard to the drops that are splattering and ruining your dress._

_"Ugh!" you yell exasperatedly. "Watch the dress, alright?"_

_"Ugh!" he mimics in a high-pitched voice. "Watch the suit, alright? But wait! You can't! Because it's already ruined!"_

_You yank your arm out of his grasp, throwing him a glare before turning around and stalking back toward the house._

_"Wait! No, wait, stop, please wait. Sunshine!" He catches your arm again, and you whirl around to tell him off._

_"I'm not going to - "_

_"I'm sorry, sunshine. I'm sorry I was late. It took me forever to get your present right, and I was frustrated, and then I was waiting, shivering and soaked, and I was upset," he says in one breath, taking your hands in his._

_You can feel yourself trembling, though you don't know if it's from the rain or the touch of his palm on yours._

_"Here." He pulls a heart-shaped locket out of his pocket, fastening it around your neck with ease._

_You click it open, revealing a miniature picture of the two of you together on one side, laughing. The other side simply says, "Love."_

_"Oh my gosh," you whisper with awe, "it's beautiful."_

_A smile spreads across his face as he murmurs, "Right back at you."_

_And even though it's cheesy and clichéd, you can't help but blush as you beam at him._

_"Forgiven?" he asks you, seemingly nervous for the first time this evening. You laugh at him for a moment, how suddenly anxious he is._

_"Happy anniversary," you tell him with a bright grin, leaning up on your tiptoes to press your lips to his._

_When he kisses you, it's as if you're the only two people in the world who exist._

When you arrive at the restaurant (the usual, your favorite, the one you go to every monthaversary), he quickly gets out first and opens the door for you once more.

"My lady," he says gallantly, bowing with a charming smile, and you force a laugh. The words simply don't sound right with his voice.

Absentmindedly, you reach for the necklace at your throat, fingering it as he arranges terms with the valet. The cursive letters engraved on the back are smooth to the touch, so comfortingly familiar.

"Lovely necklace," he comments, returning with his arm offered to you. "Is it new?"

"Oh! No, not this." You laugh, trying to brush it off. "I found it at the bottom of my jewelry box and decided to wear it tonight. I don't even remember where I got it."

The lie slips out easily, not a false note jarring the words.

"Oh." He smiles understandingly. Amicably. "Well, it's almost as lovely as the wearer." You blush once more as he kisses your hand lightly, reveling in your moment as a princess.

The night proceeds as it always does.

He makes pleasant conversation. You reply and laugh accordingly.

He compliments you. You blush, naturally.

He smiles warmly. You smile back, because that's what you're supposed to do.

And to any onlooker, it's perfect.

What are you talking about? It _is_ perfect.

"Darling," he begins abruptly, setting down his fork and knife on the side of his plate, "you're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

You look down, swallowing your mouthful of food. "You are too," you say softly, a strained smile gracing your features.

His face lights up instantly. "I'm glad you think so, darling, because there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about. I wouldn't want you to think that I'm simply wasting time with you. This is real for me."

"It's real," you echo, wiping your mouth with your napkin, still avoiding his gaze.

"Yes. Which is why…" He gets out of his seat abruptly and bends on one knee beside you, a box in his hand. Out of shock, you look him straight in the eyes and see all of it waiting for you there, all the happiness you could ever want. "I want us to take the next step. Will you marry me?"

Your hand flies to your necklace.

_"You know, we should just get it over with."_

_You look over at him, the words coming from his mouth as he flips through a magazine casually._

_"Get what over with?" you query, confused. He lets out a slow sigh before closing the magazine and throwing it on the table in front of him. _

_"You know. All that." He jabs at the tabloid cover, where one supermodel or another is featured with her new husband, both of them looking blissfully happy._

_"All that…" you repeat, staring at the cover. "You mean…marriage?"_

_"Well, yeah," he replies nonchalantly. "Might as well, right?" Your jaw drops as you stand up, indignant._

_"Marriage is just all that? And you want to get it over with?" You're shocked by his words, appalled by his attitude toward the perfect dream that you imagine marriage as._

_"Kind of. I mean, it's just a piece of paper saying you're together. For now," he tacks on, considering the photo off to the side of the cover, where the announcement that a famous actress has just divorced her husband is featured._

_"Just a piece of - ?" You can feel yourself grasping for words, the emotion blurring your thoughts._

_"Yeah. So what do you say?" His apathy rattles you. You're standing in front of him, near speechless with rage, and all he can do is look up with those bright blue eyes and ask if you'd like to get it over with?_

_"Are you – are you actually proposing to me?" Anticipating his answer, you quickly add, "Like this?"_

_He looks around for a moment, bewildered for the first time. "Like what?"_

_"Like this!" You gesture wildly, taking in the messy room, the fact that you're wearing sweatpants, and the knowledge that he's lounging comfortably on the couch rather than kneeling on the floor._

_"Um…yes?" _

_Your glare is filled with passion, a burning fire. "I can't believe you. That's all marriage is to you. That's all I am to you. I can't believe you would have the gall to propose to me like this, that you actually thought I would accept - "_

_"What?" The hurt expression on his face stops you for a moment, catching your breath as he speaks. "That's not what it was at all! I just thought that you might want - "_

_"If this is what you thought I wanted, you were wrong." You shake your head, seeing now that he doesn't understand at all. You pick up your purse quickly, storming over to the door. _

_"I thought we were already going to be together forever. Marriage doesn't mean anything to me when I know that what we have is true love," he explains, jumping up to stop you. You can't help but pause, the doorknob twisting in your hand._

_"You know that you mean so much more to me than that. I've already promised myself to you for the rest of my life. Marriage is just a way to tell the world." You look up at him from under your teary eyelashes, wondering whether to believe him or not._

_"Is there anyone who can make you feel like that?" He trails a finger down your arm, leaving a path of fire in its tracks, your lips already aching for the feeling of his. You swallow, trembling as he pulls out a ring from his pocket and takes your hand. "Anyone?" _

_You watch, mesmerized, as the he slips the ring onto the fourth finger of your left hand, a perfect fit. "No one but you," you whisper._

He's still watching you with those hopeful eyes, a world of promises waiting. He's the knight in shining armor, the happily ever after ready to begin.

But as you clutch the locket at your neck, you realize that a perfect knight in shining armor isn't the one for you after all.

It's the idiot in tin foil.

"Darling?" You feel tears rise in your eyes as you look at him, as you see the doubt begin to grow.

"Oh, James." With a shaking hand, you reach out and close the box in his hand, hiding the ring from sight. "I can't."

The heartbreak written on his face is too painful for you to look at. Instead, you close your eyes and kiss him softly on the cheek.

"You're everything, James. Everything I ever wanted."

"Then - " You cut him off, the broken sound of his voice sending waves of guilt through you.

"I'm in love." You laugh sadly, tears running down your cheeks. "I'm in love with the man I left two years ago." He looks down at the floor, lost.

"You're perfect, James. I hope that you find your princess one day." You press the box into his hand, letting his fingers curl around it. "But I'm not her."

You leave the restaurant in a blur, the thoughts jumbling in your head and your emotions swirling. You fumble inside your purse for your phone, pressing speed dial before you can think properly.

"Sonny?" His voice washes over you, as familiar as your own. He sounds startled. Anxious. And dare you say regretful?

You press the heart locket between your fingers, the precious name on the back escaping your lips. "Chad," you breathe, tears beginning to fall again.

"Are you – is everything okay?" You laugh at his confusion, your eyes sparkling with tears.

"You know, we should just get this over with," you say as calmly as you can.

"What's that?"

"Living happily ever after." There's a brief pause on the other end before he speaks.

"I love you, you know."

"Right back at you."

"_Breaking down and coming undone, it's a roller coaster kind of rush. And I never knew I could feel that much, and that's the way I loved you."_

A/N: There it is. The story's rushed and it's confusing and it's careless and it's impulsive, but isn't that what their love is? ;) I know there's a huge plot hole (cough cough, how they broke up in the first place), but feel free to imagine it for yourself. xD Oh, and I don't own the lyrics, obviously.

If you could…please review? Anonymous reviews are enabled, so you don't need an account. :P Please?


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